Monday, May 14, 2012

Fifty Shades Freed

 Fifty Shades Freed
 E.L. James

Amazon blurb -

When unworldly student Anastasia Steele first encountered the driven and dazzling young entrepreneur Christian Grey it sparked a sensual affair that changed both of their lives irrevocably. Shocked, intrigued, and, ultimately, repelled by Christian’s singular erotic tastes, Ana demands a deeper commitment. Determined to keep her, Christian agrees.   Now, Ana and Christian have it all—love, passion, intimacy, wealth, and a world of possibilities for their future. But Ana knows that loving her Fifty Shades will not be easy, and that being together will pose challenges that neither of them would anticipate. Ana must somehow learn to share Christian’s opulent lifestyle without sacrificing her own identity. And Christian must overcome his compulsion to control as he wrestles with the demons of a tormented past.   Just when it seems that their strength together will eclipse any obstacle, misfortune, malice, and fate conspire to make Ana’s deepest fears turn to reality. 

 This isn't going to be an actual review of Fifty Shades Freed but more of a rant on my part about the whole series.  There WILL be spoilers so be warned.

 I know a gazzilion women have read these books and fell head over heels with Christian Grey, but I gotta say this man is one SICK puppy.  The fact that they are so romanticizing him and throwing out the fact of his mental issues is sad.    I read #1 and was engrossed, I couldn't put it down.  The whole time I read it I had a sick queasy feeling in my stomach and I say that in my review.  Here are my reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker. When I read the second I no longer liked Ana and was not happy with the quality of the writing. I started # 3 back in March and had to stop barely in since it was bad right out of the gate, but did go back to it, obviously.  Now that I've finished the last I found that with each progressive book the writing just increasingly deteriorated.  I don't know if that's because of the speed in which Miss James spit these suckers out, or if it's because she was a one book wonder with no real writing talent. She certainly makes no bones of the fact that it started as Bella/Edward fanfic Masters of The Universe.

The subject matter is very deep, this man is a dom, he wants to CONTROL everything Ana does.  That personality is just roiling under the surface so much so that you can see the bubbles and ripples right there.  So quick can he turn that when Ana decides she wants kinky, in a flash he is that personality again, lost in the whole thing.  Don't these gals realize this is a man who said he wanted to  beat the shit outta her?  I don't care that Ana has faith that he won't hurt her, this man still brought her to the playroom blindfolded her, strapped her to the St. Andrews cross, how frigging degrading is that, and TORTURED her till she used the safe word all because she went out with her friend Kate.  Ya getting that ladies, she went to hang with her friend.

 I found a lot of the book not believable, just downright juvenile in some of the things that took place. The dialogue and writing style was so immature, at times I felt as though I was reading a high school student's English assignment. The constant reptitious use of words, sick of the inner goddess and the oh mys and holy sh!ts. What was funny and kitschy in #1 is now just downright nauseating.

What did I find unbelievable?  The architect Gia Mateo who was hired to do the refurb of their home.   This is a business woman who is going to work on one of the richest men in the nation's home, ya think she wouldn't be absolutely professional!?  This is the get of a lifetime and the author has her come in with to many blouse buttons undone and coming on to Christian right there in front of Ana.  Come on, no way!  Better to have her be business like and ignore Ana, only addressing Christian.  That would have made more sense.  Then when he leaves the room  Ana says to paraphrase, he's mine lady.  What are we 16 here, puhlease.   The meekness of Ana is just too much.  She's still afraid to ask him questions?  One minute the author wants her as strong willed then she's this wishy washy puddle of insecurity.  Taylor and Mrs. Jones together with it known by Christian? Uh, I don't THINK so!  Taylor heads up the security, his job is to keep Christian and Ana safe, no way would that be acceptable especially since his feelings for the housekeeper could possibly compromise their safety. This is a perfect example of the juvenile style. When Ana shows her surprise at finding this out and Christian is laughing, "you didn't know?". Um no not believable, especially with a control freak like him as a boss.  Ana may be young, but she went to college, roomed with Kate who is far from innocent, had a step dad who taught her how to defend herself, shoot and handle guns, I just find this naive I can't  believe any of this is happening to me girl. And when it's convenient to the author Ana is trying to bolster Christian's insecurity about her love and devotion for him.  I'm starting to think Ana may be a  bit of fifty shades of messed up too! Is she an independent woman or silly immature insecure child?

 I'm also so tired of how every woman they encounter is ogling Grey.  Miss Hot Pants, Miss Sexual Predator, it is really old.  The nurse in ICU?  Ana lifts her head to see the nurse finally look at Christian and gape. This is just stupidity and unbelievable nonsense.

She is quite fond of borrowing from other stories, the kitchen scene where he feeds her blindfolded smacks of 9 1/2 Weeks with Mickey Roarke and Kim Bassinger.

How twisted is Grey? Well he really wants her to fight him off alla rape fantasy. This gets him all hot and bothered.  Yea, I know there are woman out there that think this is just grand.  Somehow I don't think those who have suffered this heinous act agree.   There was so much sex in it I just became numb to it I didn't find it beautiful or erotic. Quite frankly, I found Ana to have turned into some nympho-maniacal sex slave with zero self control over her libido.  Even when she was so hurt and angry with him turning to Mrs. Robinson feeling betrayed, she still had to keep her physical distance from him like she was Pavlov's dog.  RUHEALLY!?!  There's no worse feeleing than the sting and humiliation of your husband turning to another woman, in reality I don't think any normal woman would have had any problem feeling NO sexual urges at that  moment, normal being the key word here.  She has become no better than an animal in heat.

Grey tells he her wants to "push her to her limits" see how much she can take.  There they are, those bubbles are just bursting to the surface waiting to explode. Bottom line, she doesn't hold true to either one's personality, you're either a mousy wallflower with no self confidence or you're a strong independent woman and Grey is either a controlling dom or not.  Even the whole crap with Hyde had me shaking my head as just such b.s.  I wish she would have built on this it might have rung more true to me, and who bailed him out, what crapola.

Her ending was just too hard for me to swallow, having the kids, Taylor and Mrs. Jones married and all living in the house like the friggin Brady Bunch, nope,  just don't buy it and I am sure glad I didn't buy a single one of em!  I gotta hand it to James, she's got her insane  best seller and her multi million dollar movie deal, so kudos for capitalism at its finest.

 My hope for the movie?  That they follow the dark path of the first and tweak it enough to show how disturbed and deep his troubles go.  Where Ana maybe doesn't wind up with him at all since a leopard really never truly changes their spots and it all is too much for her to handle.  I know I've been very harsh in my opinions here. I know there are gals who'll say this is just a book we read for fun lighten up, but this wasn't Stephanie Plum or Queen Betsey where you expect light and fun this was serious subject matter here. This is such a disturbing, deep subject that goes against my very being.  I LOVE alpha males in the books I read.  Eric Northman, Bones, Vishous, Jerricho Barnes, but the thought of being told keep your eyes down, call me sir, you're going to be spanked now, you can't go anywhere or do anything, reeks of degradation and humiliation to me and the glorifying of Christian Grey as a dream man makes me throw up in my mouth a bit I don't  care how drop dead gorgeous he is.

  2 cannolis

All that said I can still hope for a good movie out of this mess with some good screen writers. There are a few actors who are supposedly chomping at the bit to play him, here they are and my thoughts -

 Alexander Skarsgard.  Love you as Eric darling, but you're too old for Christian, he's 27 and Alex is 35.

Ian Somerhalder, Chris Pine, and Chris Evans are right on the cusp of being to old.  Of the three, I think Ian looks the best with those piercing eyes of his.  I had to throw Tom Welling from Smallville in there too, my own choice cuz he is one good looking man, alas he at 35, is too old as well.

 Maybe Alex Pettyfer or Ryan Phillipe.

The one who takes the cake in my opinion?

Gaspard Ulliel who played the young Hannibal Lector

Oh and I couldn't resist coming back to add this since I had forgot, Ellen narrating Fifty Shades!  LOL!!!


  1. I could not agree with you more!! What about when he told Ana the reason he goes for her type is because it reminds him of his mother! I kept thinking Law & Order SVU were going to bust in, because he was so twisted he needed to be locked up!

  2. Lovely, all I can say is thank goodness I read these before they hype. I still love and adore the first one but it went down hill from there, I agree with that.

    The unbelievable and let down part for me was the happy family with kids, what total bs for sure, not the same story at all, I felt EL James tried to please her 'romance' fans really.

    Some of your complaints about the lifestyle are actually true so I didn't have any problems there. I only think Ana was sex crazed because she was a virgin and then got herself into that lifestyle, once you get a taste you can't get enough when your young. (in my opinion)

    I was so over everyone thinks his gorgeous, yaya whatever.

    Overall I still enjoyed the trilogy as a whole because I did love Christian and Ana's characters but could have only read 1 and been happy even with the ending of her leaving at that point.

    I rated this one a 3 only cause as a whole I was intrigued and enjoyed it but thought Freed was crap.

    I honestly am not for the movie, I would prefer for it to be a XXX porn movie to get the true affect but of course I will watch it anyways.

    As normal, love your rants, lol

  3. I agree Marce, on the whole it could have been a really good story with a better author at the helm!

    Oh God, I know Lisa. What a mess!

  4. Guess what........... You will be thrilled my dear. Go read

    More of Chelsea Cain, I have got to catch up this year, maybe even get Chelsea C during Thrill Week.

    Hope your well Paula.

  5. Oddly I liked Fifty Shades Freed the best. Not great lit, but I thought they were hot. My shallowness is shameful. S

    1. Lol Steph, shallowness is just fine, we all are guilty of it ; )


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